The Snakehead is Back!
Volunteers are busy depleting Maryland's waterways. By releasing the voracious snakehead, aquatic diversity will really take it once again. I got so excited by this news that I forgot to order the pizza for today's lunch meeting. Sorry guys.
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 4:36 PM | (0) comments |

 
Huzzah for industrial agriculture!
Inefficient farming practices are helping to drive deforestation, pollution, ocean degradation, and species loss and
constitute the most serious environmental threat in the world today, according to a new book, "World Agriculture and the Environment, a global survey" by Dr. Jason Clay, head of the Center for Conservation Innovation at World Wildlife Fund.

Among the findings in Clay's book: Agriculture wastes 60 percent, or 1,500 trillion liters, of the 2.5 trillion liters of water that it uses each year. Water resources are already being used close to or beyond their limit, particularly in the Americas, North Africa, the Arabian Peninsula, China, and India. The impacts of global warming are likely to further disrupt water supplies.

We at the CHL feel very strongly that water is where it's at. We expect that lack of clean water is going to further our goal of biodiversity reduction at a faster rate than any of our other programs. So, dear farmers, keep watering those huge monocultures you are growing in the deserts and don't bother to fix those leaky irrigation pipes. You're doing us all proud!
- Owen, 10:35 AM | (0) comments |

 
Dying trees brings tears of joy to my eyes
The CHL has decided to kill as many oak trees as possible. Quercus is one of the richest genera of trees in temperate North America, so it makes sense to start our killin' with them. Our volunteers are spreading the wonderfully-named pathogen, sudden oak death, from California to the eastern U.S. The writer is so confused that he can't even tell if it is a fungus or a virus.

Oak fungus spread: California nursery shipped infected plants to 5 states
A Southern California nursery has shipped plants carrying sudden oak death to retail stores in at least five states, heightening concerns about the potential spread of the tree-killing pathogen. Florida, Georgia, Maryland and Washington have all identified plants carrying the virus, according to the nursery, Monrovia Growers in Azusa (Los Angeles County). In March, infected plants were also found at Specialty Plants nursery in San Marcos (San Diego County). Those findings caused 15 states to impose partial or full bans on California nursery stock, putting a dent in the state's $13 billion plant-growing business. Authorities in Tennessee and Virginia have also said the virus turned up in potted plants shipped from California, although representatives at Monrovia would not confirm this.
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 3:07 PM | (0) comments |

 
Operation Waste the Water showing progress
This item comes to us from the Sacramento Bee. The Feds are threatening to sieze water from the Colorado River:
http://www.sacbee.com/content/politics/story/9076337p-10002238c.html

An excerpt:
For years, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and other fast-growing cities in the region have depended on surplus water from the Colorado - supplies that exceed their entitlements. Now, the Southwest is shifting to a much drier period, and states are facing not only the loss of surplus but also cutbacks that could affect tens of millions of people. In California, the water squeeze is already being felt statewide. With less water from the Colorado River, Southern California is pushing conservation, more use of groundwater banks and extra pumping from the Delta. "We are entering some new territory," said Raley, who notes that the modern Southwest has never had to deal with an extended drought.

We note with glee that the southwestern states has a population growth rate equivalent to many third world countries. This will no doubt get rid of the pesky desert pupfish and doubtless other worthless species.
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 11:27 AM | (0) comments |

 
Strategic Ignorance: Why the Bush Administration Is Recklessly Destroying a Century of Environmental Progress
By Carl Pope, Executive Director, Sierra Club and Paul Rauber, Senior Editor at Sierra magazine

This new book is the heart warming tale of one of our most successful North American chapter volunteers and his tireless efforts to rid the world of all but one species. Though written by hippie freaks, this is the first must-read of the early summer season.

For a very recent example of the Bush administration's quality work, read this article on "Bush Administration's Response to Extinction Study" by our cry-baby nemeses at the Center for Biological Diversity.

Kudos to George W. Bush, homogenizer! Who says one person can't make a difference!?!
- Owen, 7:30 AM | (0) comments |

 
Celebrate Earth Day by welcoming the 352,378 new CHL volunteers born today. Even though 153,558 volunteers died today, we still net about 200,000 volunteers. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Who says anti-conservation is not fun?
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 4:58 PM | (0) comments |

 
Spotlight: The Mekong River

Pick a river at random and you will read a similar story to the one that appeared in today's Independent. http://news.independent.co.uk/world/asia/story.jsp?story=513488

Exceprt: Once, the world's rivers teemed with fish. No longer. Around the globe, dams and other river engineering projects have drastically reduced most inland fisheries. But on one mighty river, the Mekong in South-east Asia, half a century of warfare had kept the dam-builders away. As a result, even the poorest people in countries such as Cambodia can still dine regularly on wild river fish. But now the engineers have moved on to the river, and the effects are already being felt. Scientists blame new Chinese hydroelectric dams for the record low levels of the river this spring, for weird fluctuations in river flows, and above all for a collapse in fish catches. Is this the end for one of the world's last great untamed rivers?

One can only hope so. Today we salute the Chinese planners and engineers responsible for the dams. We at the CHL sincerely appreciate your volunteer efforts for our cause.

- nostradamusfunkadelic, 10:40 AM | (0) comments |

 
Signs of our success everywhere!

Today we highlight the average increase of 0.9 degrees in Southern Canada. This is about 50 percent larger than the rise that has occurred elsewhere on the planet, making the country a global-warming hot spot. The Canadian Ministers of the Environment recently released a report on climate change, and some of the details can be found in today's Seattle Post Intelligencer.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/169807_warming20.html

At the same time, Environmental Defense's pathetic "Undoit Campaign" is trying to get the McCain-Leiberman "Climate Stewardship Act" through the U.S. Senate. We are so confident in their ability to fail, we urge you to sign their pathetic petition--here is the link:

http://iw.rtm.com/ed/undoit_petition_1.asp?sitecode=ugggw
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 10:15 AM | (0) comments |

 
Operation "Unleash the Invasives!" proceeds according to plan:

Free trade is proving to be one of our greatest tools in homogenizing the planet. Today, we highlight a story originally from the Washington Post entitled: Free Trade Puts Pests in Position to Destroy.

http://www.registerguard.com/news/2004/04/18/b1.ed.col.species.0418.html

An exerpt: "Global travel and trade have created a superhighway into the United States for destructive foreign insects, plants, animals and diseases that scientists call alien invasive species. Yet we're pretending we don't have to pay much attention. Countless other destructive alien species are on their way here unless we enact immediate trade policy changes and tougher cargo inspections. The costs will be formidable, but the alternative - more ``free trade'' in this biological pollution - is far worse."

We here at the CHL think that the current trade policies and cargo inspection protocols are just fine--leave them alone. Even if you do enact tougher regulations, you are only slowing things down. YOU CAN NOT STOP US. Go ahead and try, losers.
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 11:25 AM | (0) comments |

 
Operation Populate the Planet continues as planned.

Since this blog started 3 days ago, we have already added over a half million more people to the planet (596,460 people, to be exact). The city of Boston has 600,000 people. So I guess you could say that we are adding a Boston-sized population to the planet every three days. What did you do today, Population Action International? Oh, I see you had an op-ed in the International Herald Tribune back in early March. http://www.iht.com/articles/131999.html Boy, that sure slowed population growth. That op-ed appeared what, 8.7 million people ago? Your pathetic attempts of "educating the public" are no match for us.

- nostradamusfunkadelic, 4:37 PM | (0) comments |

 
Steady progress on global warming operations

Today Reuters reports global energy demand will rise 54% by the year 2025. The U.S. Energy Information Agency (EIA) forecasts that world oil demand will rise from 81 million barrels per day (bpd) this year to 121 million bpd in 2025, with the United States, China, and the rest of developing Asia soaking up almost 60 percent of those extra barrels. Other highlights include increased natural gas use, growing 67 percent to 151 trillion cubic feet (Tcf) a year, and coal use growing by 1.5 percent a year. What matters most is carbon dioxide emissions. These are projected to rise from 23.9 billion metric tonnes in 2001 to 27.7 billion tons in 2010 and 37.1 billion tons in 2025.

We here at our secret underground lair of the CHL look forward to the day that the planet is as hot as Venus. It will take a little luck (a runaway greenhouse scenario would be nice), but I have hope.
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 11:48 AM | (0) comments |

 
From the 12 April 2004 issue of the Guardian:

"Rapid deforestation and the resulting loss of habitat for vampire bats is to blame for an unprecedented outbreak of rabies in a north-eastern province of the Amazon basin, according to Brazilian officials. Rabies has so far claimed 15 lives around Portel, a sparsely populated region. Seven cases were diagnosed by laboratory tests, but eight patients showed similar symptoms after bat bites."

This is not good PR for our "Eliminate the Rainforest" campaign. Fortunately, we do not rely on good PR to get the job done. On 8 April 2004 the AP reported: "Satellite photos and data showed that 9,170 square miles (23,750 square kilometers) of [Amazonian] rainforest was cut down in the 12 months ending in August 2003, about twice the annual rate of the 1990s." That is an impressive 11 acres per minute. We can do better, folks. If we can do just one extra acre per minute, we will deforest 9,882 square miles this year. Start those chainsaws and light those matches!

- nostradamusfunkadelic, 3:33 PM | (0) comments |

 
By way of introduction:

We have amassed a large volunteer force to accomplish the unprecedented. All life on Earth (except for one species) will be destroyed. That remaining life form must have only a single genotype, thus preventing any future evolution of the species. Our battle cry: "One planet, one species, one genotype!"

Why? There is no why. It is just something we like to do. And we and our volunteers made more progress today destroying things than all of those screaming greenies have made protecting things over the past 10 years. Check back every once in a while to monitor our progress.
- nostradamusfunkadelic, 6:19 PM | (0) comments |