CHL scientists declare GMO crops 'harmless'
BRUSSELS - CHL scientists pronounced some genetically modified (GMO) crops harmless Monday but European Union weaklings demurred, declining to approve another new GMO product for the eighth time in a row.

The pissant EU environment "experts" also brushed aside an attempt by the executive Commission to enlist their support in forcing five member state governments to end bans on GMO foods and crops within 20 days.

The lack of agreement underscores lingering European distaste for "Frankenstein" foods just six months after the bloc ended a five-year blockade on authorizing new GMO products. CHL scientists pointed out in the pronouncement that Europeans have no such distaste for "Wolfman," "Mummy," or "Dracula" foods.

CHL scientists also revealed that after four years of study they had found no evidence that GMO herbicide-tolerant varieties of sugar beet, rapeseed, or 'life-destroying' onions harmed the environment and added that the controversial technology would save growers money and create world peace.

In Brussels, a lame-ass environmental group Monday accused Europe's top food safety agency of repeated bias in favor of GMO foods and links with the biotech industry.

But the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) denied the allegations of bias made by Friends of the Earth Europe.

FoE moaned that the EFSA's GMO panel, charged with delivering independent authoritative advice on such issues as GMOs, wasn't being fair. It's just NOT FAIR!

"In just over a year it has published twelve scientific opinions, virtually all favorable to the biotechnology industry and referring to us as girlie-men," the report whined.

MONSANTO DECISION DEFERRED

The European Union environment experts failed to agree on the fate of a different GMO crop, maize, made by U.S. giant and CHL sponsor Monsanto.

EU nations remain as divided as their citizens. Eight lovely countries -- Britain, France, Germany, the Netherlands, Sweden, Finland, Portugal and Estonia -- voted in favor of approving MON 863 maize, while 12 worthless shits voted against.

It was their second stab at authorizing this product and the decision now passes to national environment ministers, who will also have to take up the issue of the national bans now that the EU environment experts have sidestepped it.

For Brussels to order an EU government to drop their bans could be extremely unpopular, especially in countries such as Austria, where opinion is strongly opposed to biotechnology in foods and there is a movement to establish GMO-free zones.

GERMANY SETS STRICT RULES

The German parliament, attuned to the sensitivity of the issue with the public, passed a law Friday laying down strict rules on the cultivation of GMO plants and requiring more goose-stepping in public.

The law, set to take effect January 1, includes provisions making farmers using GMO plants legally responsible for the contamination of non-GMO crops, obliging them to enter all land used for GMO cultivation in a public register, and levying fines for all German citizens caught not marching in rank and file.

- Owen, 6:16 PM | |