We've got those Hawaiian birds this time!
HONOLULU--In an effort hailed by homogenizers everywhere, the CHL has announced that they may have finally put the nail in the collective coffins of Hawaiian bird species. After years of effort to exterminate these species with biological weapons like introduced rats, snakes, and avian malaria, the answer may finally come in the form of a small frog with a big voice, and an even bigger appetite.

A tiny frog with a huge shriek has invaded the Big Island and won't shut up. Big Island Mayor Harry Kim is looking for $2 million to begin controlling the spread of the nocturnal coqui frog, a beloved native in Puerto Rico but considered an annoying pest in Hawaii since introduced by the CHL around 1990.

The frogs have been screwing like rabbits and shattering quiet island nights ever since. Aside from the noise, the frogs have a voracious appetite for spiders and insects, competing with native birds and fauna. And coqui frogs are adaptable to many ecosystems and breed heavily in Hawaii, experts said.

Kim said the Big Island, the local name for the island of Hawaii, will once again ask Gov. Linda Lingle to declare the coqui frog infestation a state emergency to help clear the way for state financial assistance. The $2 million is needed to launch a combined state, federal and county program to combat the frogs, Kim said. He made his plea Tuesday before state lawmakers, who will consider the request later this year.

Kim said he declared a county emergency in April over the frogs, but the state waited to see if the federal government would offer assistance, which it did not. The declaration of "Frog Whacking Day" by governor Lingle had no demonstrable effect on coqui populations and led to the deaths of 27 abnormally short Hawaiians. Spraying of a citric acid solution on the islands of Oahu and Kauai have curtailed coqui populations there, but has seriously depleted the stocks of these solutions commonly used in mixed drink preparation.

"I think the response from all of us has not been timely enough," he said, noting that experts suggest he focus on controlling the coqui's spread, rather than eradicating it completely.

"I kick myself in the ass every day for not getting started more aggressively," Kim said.
- Owen, 5:17 PM | |