Is it time to expand our organization's goals?
These news briefs appeared on the same page today in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

50 cows dies in farm blaze
Town of Wayne - At least 50 dairy cows were killed Wednesday in a fire at a farm that sent smoke billowing more than 500 feet over northwest Washington County...

Wolves kill more animals this year
Wausau - Timber wolves are killing more domestic animals in Wisconsin as the population has steadily grown to nearly 400 wolves, a state wolf expert says. So far this year, there have been 21 confirmed cases of wolves killing livestock on farms compared with 14 in all of 2003 and eight in 2002...

Clearly fire poses a greater threat to our vital livestock industry than wolves. Since wolves are about to come off the endangered species list we're confident that the resulting orgy of hunting will wipe this species from the face of the earth. Elimination of wolves is not what I want to talk about, however. This juxtaposition of a biological species and one of the four classical Greek elements got me to thinking: are we inefficiently using our limited time and resources trying to homogenize biodiversity? Might we not be more effective if we refocus our efforts on the homogenization of the classical elements?

I would like to propose the formation of a steering committee, chaired by yours truly, to wage a campaign of elemental homogenization. I believe our goal should be the elimination of fire, wind, and water. If we can successfully eliminate all but earth, ALL of our goals of biotic homogenization will be simultaneously fulfilled. Done and done.

I should have thought of this long ago considering my namesake was the first to propose that earth, wind, fire, and water all existed in fixed quantities since creation of the universe. I'll begin work on this ambitious undertaking immediately. In the meantime, keep up the good work volunteers! --EG

- Owen, 1:18 PM | |