Hey biodiversity--how dub'ya like dem apples!?!
With the imported wool of an endangered South American alpaca settling lightly over their eyes, the American people elected the CHL party candidate to be president of the world for the next four years!

"Not in my wildest dreams did I think the people would buy that line about them being safer since the administration started invading other countries," said CHL President Nostradamus Funkadelic between yelps of unadulterated joy. "I mean, with over 100,000 Iraqi civilians killed in the U.S. invasion of their country (now THAT'S liberation!), we're making new terrorists far faster than we can kill them!" Funkadelic said with a snicker. "It's amazing what you can convince people of if you just give them a good old fashioned dose of Texas-style fear."

"Hook, line, and sinker!" added Funkadelic.

Bush has been a staunch CHL supporter, devoting more deficit spending to our cause than any president in history. "Expect great things in Bush's second term," CHL public relations volunteer Rush Limbaugh said from a crack house across the street from the Bush victory party. "Arctic Wildlife Refuge?--gone. Endangered Species Act?--gone. Clean Air Act?--gone. Patriot Act?--gone. Hahaha, just kidding. That one's only going to get better."

"A new age has dawned in the homogenization of the earth," proclaimed Funkadelic. "We no longer have to fear prosecution as our volunteer hordes pursue our noble goal!"

"And so it begins."

- Owen, 11:46 PM | |